so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
