how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
