it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
