I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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