i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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