we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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