I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
