This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
