i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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