I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
