I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
