the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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