Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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