Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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