this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
