I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
