Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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