i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
