I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i believe in u and ur pee
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
