Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
