Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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