If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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