I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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