There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My pussy is not your playground.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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