Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
smell my finger.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
