Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
