I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it's great music for shaving your balls
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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