You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
