we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
