I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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