She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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