All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
