He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the day after is always just damage control
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
