I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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