in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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