nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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