hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
