wat bout pragnant strippers??
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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