if you like me you must not know who I am
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
