***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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