nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
