the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
