just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
