It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
