I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
