Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
