Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
