this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
