Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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