sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
