Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
