ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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