I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Come on in and take your pants off
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