Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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