Can i not drive my cunt home
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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