so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
