Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she peed on how many people?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
