Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
