There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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