some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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