Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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