Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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