well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
