i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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