I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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