Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
