just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
