currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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