I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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