Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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