Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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