she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
