I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
